I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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