I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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