someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
