Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
