Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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