she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I could fuck to npr.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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