i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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