Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
