I'm so fucking centered right now
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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