Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
