Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
