just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
