Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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