omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
