If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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