She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
