i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
