as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
