Me. At least after what I've been through.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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