I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
