Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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