If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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