I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
