my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
