I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
