When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate all girls vehemently.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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