If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
