This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
