I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Shame is for Republicans.
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