I wish I could teleport
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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