I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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