I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize