remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am naked and annoyed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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