God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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