I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
