i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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