So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There r osticjed everywhere
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
