If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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