She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
