i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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