Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
