can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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