we made out on top of his cat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
