Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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