I think I died a long time ago.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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