doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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