what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
