im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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