Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
