Whod you bang
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
