I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
