the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
