First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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