Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
