"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
