O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
