I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
