I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
