good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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