Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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