My first STD was from a foam party
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize