So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
