Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
