The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
