I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
