So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
