I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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