Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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