Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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