His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
