In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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