..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
