i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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